Lesson 5 of 10 · 3 min · Mind

Self-talk in the third person: talk to yourself by name

The voice in your head says I. Switching to your own name turns a critic into a coach.

1. When we turn a problem over in our heads, we talk to ourselves as I: why do I always do this? Psychologist Ethan Kross calls the stuck version of that voice chatter.

2. In a 2014 study, Kross and colleagues gave 89 people five minutes to prepare a speech for judges. Before it, some reflected on their nerves using I, others using their own name or you.

3. The ones who used their name or you felt less shame afterwards, dwelt less on the speech, and judges rated their performance better.

4. A 2017 study measured brain activity directly. Talking to yourself in the third person quickly calmed the brain’s reaction to upsetting pictures, and the scans showed no sign that it took more mental effort than talking as I.

5. It works because it is how we talk to a friend. Most of us give calm, sensible advice about other people’s problems, and much less about our own. Your name borrows that distance.

6. Try it. Type your first name, then let a few sentences talk to you the way a good friend would. Your name stays on this card and is gone when you leave it.